


Eric's Box

by TopHatCat



Category: Kuroshitsuji : The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World - Iwasaki/Mori/Mari, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Insecurity, M/M, S&M (mentioned), True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 14:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9240248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopHatCat/pseuds/TopHatCat
Summary: Eric and Alan are cleaning up the closets when an old box of Eric's surfaces from the mess. When he sees the 'toys' inside, Eric's amused at the thought of his past relationships, but Alan begins to worry maybe he's not interesting enough for Eric's tastes...





	

“Could you have any more boxes?” Alan asked, sitting back on his heels as Eric walked back into the bedroom.

“I don’t know where half of this stuff came from,” the tall reaper said, ambling over to the closet.  “And the pile of boxes is getting too big for the hallway.”

“We’ll have to bring it to some shelters,” Alan said, opening yet another cardboard container, this one painted blue, and digging through the clothes inside. “I bet you haven’t looked at most of this stuff in years.  What’s this, a muumuu?”

“Don’t ask,” Eric said, leaning against the doorframe.  “It was a long weekend a long time ago.”

Burrowing deeper into the box, Alan’s hand brushed something smooth and he withdrew his arm, bringing out a pair of silk panties.

“Oh,” he said, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Eric chuckled awkwardly.  “Heh.  Forgot I had those.”

Embarrassed, Alan quickly set down the panties.  Eric came around behind him and dug around in the box.  After a second he pulled out a jumble of what Alan could only guess were sex toys.

“Huh,” the older reaper said.  “I haven’t looked at this box in years.  Brings back some interesting memories.”

After a short second of silence he caught Alan staring at him and set the stuff down.  “Old, faded, memories.”

Alan turned his gaze back to the box.  “So… you actually used these things?”

Eric nodded, trying not to look too curious as he sifted through the rest of the things in the box.  “Yeah.  Sometimes a relationship needed some spicing up, if you know what I mean.  Couldn’t let things get to mundane.”

“I see,” Alan replied, awkwardly tapping his thumb against his knee.

Eric sighed, tossing everything back in and throwing a shirt on top.  “Well, done with that stuff, I guess.  Want to bring the boxes in the hall to a shelter?”

“Let me change my shirt,” Alan said, standing.  Eric rose to his feet as well and left the room as Alan switched off the closet light and took a plain gray shirt from the end of the bed.  Changing into it, he cast a last look at the dark closet and left.

♥♥

6:30; the clock blipped its usual alarm and Alan reached over, sleepily pressing the button to stop the noise.  Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes and yawned.  The room was dark at this hour this time of the year and he could barely make out Eric lying with his back to him, snoring slightly.

Pushing back the covers, Alan got out of bed and left the room, heading to the bathroom.  After brushing his teeth and combing his hair, he went to the kitchen to start breakfast.

As he poured oatmeal into a pot, a meow came from his feet and he looked down at the calico cat that was winding between his legs.

“Hey, Potato,” he said, smiling at the cat.  “Hungry?  I’ll get you and Blossom some breakfast after I start mine and Eric’s.”

The cat looked at him with an unamused glare before she bounded away to find her grey furred friend.  Alan shook his head with a grin before finishing his task with the oatmeal.

Half an hour later, he heard Eric’s alarm go off, blaring music down the hall.  It stopped after a long moment and a few seconds later there was the sound of shuffling of slippers heading to the bathroom.

“Oatmeal?” came the drowsy call and Alan lowered his teacup and the newspaper.

“Yes,” he called back, “Sorry; it’s all we’ve got.”

“s’okay,” Eric replied before closing the bathroom door.  Alan lifted the newspaper again, but the story kept slipping away from him.

 _‘Oatmeal’s pretty boring,’_ he thought. _‘Maybe I shouldn’t make it so much…’_

“Sorry we only have oatmeal,” he apologized again when Eric came walking in, combing his dyed blond hair with his fingers and running a hand over his tight dark cornrows.  “I should have bought something else.”

“I’ll just have to add a little something strong to it,” Eric winked, smiling. “Really, it’s okay.”

Alan was used to Eric’s quips about adding ‘a little something’ to breakfast, but for some reason he felt bad this morning.  Maybe Eric really did want a little something more.  He pushed back his chair and put his cup in the sink.  Blossom darted between his legs and the reaper started.

Eric turned from the stove. “What is it?”

“Just the cat,” Alan replied. “I’m going to get dressed. Don’t forget those files; Will said we’re having a meeting today.”

“I hate those meetings!” Eric groaned as Alan left the kitchen.  Reaching the bedroom, he discarded his pajamas to the end of the bed and put on a fresh white shirt and black trousers.  Flicking on the closet light, he went through his bolo ties.  Eric always said he looked better in bolos rather than regular ties.  Alan’s favorite was the one with the silver skull entwined with flowers.  As he touched the shiny metal, his foot hit something and he looked down at the blue box.

“You’re in my way,” he said, trying to shove it under Eric’s hanging coats, but it wouldn’t budge.  With a sigh, Alan tried to ignore it as he chose a vest and tie and put them on.  When he had done up the last button, the box was still staring at him.  Shrugging off the feeling in his stomach, he turned off the lights and exited the closet.

But the box stayed with him.

All day it stuck in his mind, and he didn’t know why, or didn’t want to admit that maybe he knew why.  He did little paperwork during the morning, and Will had to speak his name sharply a few times during the meeting.

Eric said he was too busy to meet up for lunch and the weight on Alan’s shoulders grew.  As he sat alone in the lunchroom, he picked at his sandwich and thought about how routine this day was. How many of the days were.  The reapers were all in their suits and ties; the only exception being Grell, with her flashy bold colors and sassy personality.

 _‘She’d probably love that box,’_ Alan thought.  He frowned, glaring at his tea.  That box….  It made him upset, and a spark of anger actually flared up and stayed with him all day.  Until he got home.

Then the cats were rubbing on his ankles and he was dropping his bag in the dim hallway and entering the kitchen with the flowers on the table and the anger faded to guilt.

Looking around the flat, Alan sighed.  He walked into the hallway and ran his finger along the frames of the pictures that hung on the walls, the frames he dusted at least once a week.  The living room was neat, though Eric’s unending sloppiness was apparent by the plate and cup on the table and socks and shorts on the floor.  Passing by the mess, Alan entered Eric’s office, which was the only place Alan didn’t make sure to have neat all the time.  It was an impossible task.

The picture hanging above the desk was one taken almost a year ago, when they had gone to Ireland for a week.  It had supposed to be for work, but they had spent far more time horseback riding than anything else.  Even Will had enjoyed it.  The photo showed the two of them, with Will, Grell, Ronald and Sam, all on horseback.  Thom had taken the picture, but had stuck his hand to one side, giving a thumbs up.

Alan smiled. It was a good memory.  An exciting one, something out of the ordinary.  But nothing different like that had happened in the recent months.

Heading into the bedroom, Alan tossed his vest, tie and pants onto the bed, before starting with his shirt buttons.  Before he had gotten one undone, he closed his eyes and sighed.  And for the first time that day he thought about what he was feeling.

_‘Am I… boring?’_

The thought was unsettling.  Eric was the only thing he had.  The only thing he wanted.  But what if Alan wasn’t the only thing Eric wanted?

Going to the closet, Alan turned on the light.  Frowning at the box, he leaned against the doorframe.  He remembered Grell telling him she and Eric had had a thing, before her and Will had gotten over the pain of both becoming reapers.

Alan was sure Grell’s bed style was far different from his.

 _‘Eric’s probably perfectly happy with me!’_  he thought, but the amused look on Eric’s face when he had seen the box still lingered in his mind.

Sinking to his knees, he opened the flap and looked at the shirt covering the rest of the contents.  Lifting it slightly, a leather strap peeking out from under the cloth and Alan sat back.

Just then the front door slammed and Eric’s voice echoed through the flat.

“I’m home!”

Alan quickly stood, flicking the light switch and gathering up his home clothes.  Heading into the bathroom, he called, “I’m taking a shower!” and didn’t come out for a long time.

♥♥

That night as he lay in bed reading, he found he couldn’t concentrate on the words, especially when Eric came in and got ready for bed.

“What are you reading?”

Alan glanced up, pretending he hadn’t already been watching Eric undress. “Hm? Oh, it’s a book about gardening…”

“You didn’t spend much time in the house today,” Eric said, going into the small bathroom adjoined to the room.

“I was in the yard,” Alan said, “the weeds were crazy…”

In truth he had done it just to be alone.  He wasn’t sure how to act around Eric, and that scared him more than anything.  He bookmarked the page he was on and closed the book, setting it on the dresser as Eric came back into the room.

He got into bed wearing just his boxers, which was usual for him, and Alan turned out the light.

As he settled into the pillows, Eric’s hand found his and the bigger man leaned over, kissing Alan’s cheek.

“Night, Flower.”

“Goodnight,” Alan whispered, his heart sinking as Eric pulled away and turned, lying with his back to Alan.  The smaller reaper curled up on his side and tried to sleep.

♥♥

When Eric walked into the kitchen the next morning, Alan was dumping cat food into Blossom and Potato’s bowls.  The tall reaper scooped up both cats as they tried to devour the food as Alan poured.

“Hush, you’ll get your turn,” he promised the felines.  Potato snuggled his arm, but Blossom wriggled, annoyed at being taken away from his food.

“They’re hungry,” Eric said, dropping them as Alan straightened.

“Mhm,” the reaper replied, putting the food away and picking up the paper.

“Ooh, pancakes,” Eric said, licking his lips. “What time did you get up to make these?”

“Oh, not that early,” Alan replied, his eyes not leaving the front page news.

Eric shoveled pancakes onto his plate and doused them in syrup before going up behind Alan and kissing the top of his head.

“Thanks for these.”

“Mhm.”

Sitting down, Eric inhaled half the stack in one breath and then paused. “You okay?”

“Of course.  Why would you think I’m not?” Alan didn’t lower the paper.

Eric shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“Okay.  Good.”

♥♥

_‘When was the last time we had sex?’_

It was two ‘o’ clock, he was on a retrieval job and he should _not_ be thinking about that, but he did anyway.

 _‘It’s been at least a few weeks,’_ Alan thought, walking across a rooftop to the next street.  _‘Even a month, maybe.’_

He hopped down to a lower roof and then to the ground.  As he hurried to his destination, his thoughts sped up.

_‘Should I say something? Should I just initiate it one night? Maybe I should do nothing. Maybe he doesn’t want to.  But what if he really does and his disappointed I’m not showing any more interest? Maybe’s he’s tried to get us going but I didn’t even know it and just said goodnight and turned out the light!’_

Alan groaned inwardly as he messed up his own feelings.

_‘Just be quiet!’_

♥♥

It was late when they got home that night and Eric took off his tie with a sigh of relief.

It had been too long a day.  Too much work and he was happy to be home and getting into bed. 

“I thought the day would never end,” he said, going into the closet, and tossing his tie onto the rack.  “My feet are sore.  What was your day like?”

“Busy,” Alan answered, slipping out of his shirt and pants.

“Sounds fun,” Eric said, looking back into the room.  Alan was searching through a drawer and Eric smiled.

He couldn’t explain how much he loved to watch Alan, though at the moment the reaper seemed distracted and distant.  But then, it had been a rough day.

As he moved to leave the closet, his tie slipped off the rack and fell to the floor.  Bending to pick it up, Eric couldn’t help but notice the box it had fallen on.  Putting the tie away, he crouched in front of the blue box.  He wondered if there was anything worth keeping in it and opened the flaps.  To his surprise, the items inside had been moved around since the day Alan had found it.  Glancing over his shoulder, Eric cast a look at the smaller, reaper, who was slipping on a shirt.

Had Alan been looking through this stuff?  Whatever for?  He certainly wasn’t the type…  Eric considered asking, but by the time he got undressed, Alan was already facing away, huddled under the covers.  So Eric just kissed his head and lay down, his confusion seeping into the darkness.

♥♥

_‘I’ve got to change.’_

Eric would be home any moment now.  It had been a late night again.  Quickly making sure the cats had food and water, Alan hurried to the bedroom and opened his top dresser drawer.

He had barely anything he thought Eric would like, but he took the most alluring pair of underwear he could find and put them.  Pulling a pair of shorts on, he did his hair so it partly fell over his eyes.  Then he slipped into a thin shirt.

Checking himself in the mirror, he caught himself frowning and quickly tried to smooth his expression.  Taking off his glasses, he set them on the dresser just as the front door opened.

He fled to the bathroom and closed the door.  He could hear Eric enter the bedroom, get undress, and then the mattress creaked.

♥♥

Eric flopped onto the mattress, yawning.  He hoped Alan wouldn’t be too long; he needed to spend some time with his husband today.

When the bathroom door opened, he looked up and Alan walked out.

Eric wasn’t sure why, but the way Alan moved, something was different. Eric wasn’t sure what it was, but when the reaper began to slip the shirt off his narrow shoulders, Eric’s breath hitched.

The rest of the outer clothes fell from Alan in too long a time for Eric and then the small reaper came up to the bed and kneeled on it, stretching.

Eric sat up as Alan crawled toward him and kissed his neck.

“What’s the matter, love?”

“Nothing,” Eric whispered as Alan ran his fingers over his chest.  Eric could feel the sensations in his body growing stronger as Alan’s breath tickled his skin.  “Nothing at all.”

“I just thought… we haven’t had some fun in a good long while.  Maybe we should.”

Alan voice was a hum in his ear and Eric was quick to discard his shirt.  He didn’t say anything, but lay Alan back on the mattresses and kissed him, running his hands over all the places he knew Alan liked them.

“Am I turning you on?” Alan whispered after a while, and Eric’s breath caught in his throat as the reaper touched him suddenly.

“Ah… yes…”

His mind was spinning in the most wonderful way, as it always did when he was in bed with Alan.  Unable to contain himself, he discarded both his and Alan’s underwear.

“Eric…”

Alan’s moan was lovely in Eric’s ear and he moaned back, pleasure running through him.  But before he reached even close to his climax, he couldn’t help but notice Alan was awfully still and quiet beneath him.

“Something wrong, flower?” he asked.

“No,” Alan replied, but for the first time that night, he sounded unhappy.

Eric drew back. “Are you sure? We can stop if you want to.”

“Do you want to?”

“Well, I….” Eric hesitated. He didn’t, but he also didn’t want Alan to be unhappy. “Do you?”

“If you don’t, then I won’t.”

Now Eric drew all the way back, looking at Alan’s face.  “Alan, what’s wrong?”

Alan looked away, at the wall. “Am I not spicing myself up enough for you…?”

And then Eric knew.  He sighed, rolling over to sit next to Alan.

“Is that what this is about?”

“What do you mean?”

Eric ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it.  “You’ve been acting odd ever since we found that box of stuff.  What’s it done to you?”

Alan turned to look at Eric, guilt plain on his features.  “When… when we found it, it was like you had found a good memory.  I thought…”

“What?” Eric asked softly.

Alan lowered his gaze. “I thought maybe you were bored.  Bored of our quiet life and… of me.”

Eric never shook his head faster. “Alan!  No!”  He reached over, taking the other man’s hand in his own.

 “Alan, when I was in those other relationships, spicing things up was how we kept it interesting. But with you… we don’t need any of that because I could never ever get tired of you. We don’t need toys or any of that crap.”

He leaned over, kissing Alan tenderly on his forehead.  “You are beautiful and making love to you doesn’t need that embellishment; it’s perfect how we’ve been doing it.  Like real lovers.”

A flush of red blossomed over Alan’s cheeks and he squeezed Eric’s hand. “I’m sorry... I was being foolish.”

Eric grinned. “Shall we make it all better right now?”

Alan’s smile was enough of an answer and the tall man leaned in for another kiss.

And to Alan, nothing had ever tasted sweeter.


End file.
